Something I Miss

I miss a fair few things right about now. I miss the warmth and possibility of summer; I miss New Zealand in its entirety; I miss the Home Ice Cream truck as it drives down the streets of New South Wales. I miss the salty smell of the beach; the endlessness of a blank page and the fresh leather seats of a brand new car. While I could talk for hours on end about each of these, it is something else entirely that I'm going to discuss.

Don't you love the rush you get when you buy the brand new album that your favourite band has just released? You egg on the download bar on iTunes (because pirating is bad); you open the CD case with trembling fingers for the first time, careful not to break the fragile plastic case, bend the booklet or leave fingerprints on the disc. Okay, maybe the digital download is more common these days, but I still like to buy CDs every so often- the commonality of that is another thing I miss.

But I digress. However you purchase it, it's exciting to finally have this brand spankin' new album in your possession. That's how I felt about every single Short Stack CD I ever purchased. You groan, but please bear with me.

The Stack boys have come to "call it a day", and while it is a saddening reality for Stackettes everywhere, it is also an exciting prospect to see where the break up will lead us next. With Shaun, we've seen just today what exactly is in the works.

Shaun Diviney- or Diviney, to use the name of the new solo project currently underway- has released a brand new track, You're So Cool, which was aired at 7.30pm on Australia's Hot30 Countdown with Matty and Mel earlier tonight, and the video posted on YouTube, reaching 302 views within 3 hours, as can be seen here:

You're So Cool- Diviney

Right from the announcement of You're So Cool's release, Diviney was subject to high expectations. Short Stack's critics would surely be listening for any tiny flaw in the music and be poised and ready for a smooth takedown; former Stackettes struggling to come to terms with the break up looking to point fingers would sit by and/or boycott the music entirely; and of course the true fans, willing to support the boys, hoping not to be let down by some techno-top 40 track.

Personally, I like the new sound; however it is incredibly different to the sound of the Short Stack of former years. Obviously, this is the idea- of growing up and changing styles; maturing as a musician and a writer- but it's what Stackettes are used to and we (including me, but perhaps not you), have loved for the eight years the band was around. As a positive, it reinforces Shaun's capability to create a danceable and interesting track in a vast amount of musical styles; which has been evident since the early days of Short Stack. While still solidly in the pop-rock/punk-pop genres, no two songs sounded the same and each album remains wildly different from the rest.

In addition to the Stack albums is, of course, Diviney's first solo release, You're So Cool. The track is catchy and easy to dance and sing along to, however it sounds very different to the upbeat, fun hooks of the debut Stack Is The New Black (released 2009); the much more mature, darker and edgier, This Is Bat Country (released 2010); and, judging by the two tracks which were released and featured on Short Stack: The Story So Far, the third and unreleased Art Vandelay.

While Short Stack fans used to the dance-your-heart-out nature of Princess, more mature and long term fans may find solace in Diviney's You're So Cool, discovering that the differences in style and sound, realising that these diversities are still true to the tastes of the musician and do nothing detrimental to the prospect of a musical future. I look forward to hearing more works in the near and distant future, and I believe that many long term fans will stand by Shaun on his journey.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

Academics

I guess this one is sort of the same as day nine, but hey, why not go for it anyway?

I am a perfectionist, to say the least. My report card has always read well, and my grades are consistently high. For the most part, I like school (not so much the social aspect, however); and I try hard; therefore it shows in my results. 

I'm going to take the calculated risk of admitting that I'm intelligent. I know that sounds really stuck up, but I know for a fact that I am nowhere near dumb. I'm near or top of the class in music theory, legal studies, English, Study of Religion (commonly referred to here as SOR), which means I am near the top in almost all of my classes. Maths, however, has copped a beating over the past couple of years, due to my pure lack of motivation. I do want to do well, but I just don't take an interest in it the same way I do with my other subjects. 

I am, generally speaking, an A grade student, and the occasional B, while acceptable, to a degree, is extremely disappointing. The only times I've had anything less really is back when I was doing PE. Oh, I do not miss those days at all. My lack of co-ordination and general understanding of how a game is suppose to work usually had me at a C, however I usually managed to scrape a solid B with my theory. 

In addition to school, I've been participating in my early uni course. The results came back and I received a distinction for my efforts. Although I would've obviously preferred a high distinction, I was extremely impressed with the mark I got because it involved two speaking tasks- an area in which I sometimes encounter trouble. 

Oral presentations aren't really my thing. I can always pass, usually at about a high B, and always come between the minimum and maximum times, but I really do not like them at all. To me, standing alone in the classroom on show for your many peers and a video camera, is not fun. It's embarrassing, because if I even try to answer a question in class, I go bright red, often stumbling on my words. I'd much rather stay unnoticed at my desk in the corner of the room, working away quietly without speaking a word to anyone. Call me anti-social, but that's the way I am.

Writing is my best ability. I love writing. Any subject that requires me to write, I enjoy. SOR is a lot of essays and academic stuff- plenty of research, and a structured essay with in-text referencing got me an A+ last term. My creative writing piece for English was an A - and I definitely slogged it out on that one, let me tell you!- and Legal Studies required an unseen essay- another A. Writing is my strength and I enjoy it, unlike most people.

Basically put, I'm a nerd and I'm proud of it. I like to put in hard work and get the results as proof. 

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

Hopes For My Future

Oh, fantastic; another one of these deep-and-meaningful ones that not many people really, truly care about...

Hopes for my future. Well, this should be interesting, seeing as I have high goals.

I hope to graduate next year with a good OP, preferably a 1, but a 2 is acceptable. For those of you who don't know what that is (most of you, I should imagine); OP is what gets you into a uni course. Given that I want to do law, I need a high OP. And so, I need to work hard to get the results I want, to do what I want to do. Which is fine by me, I don't mind slogging my guts out on homework that much...well, maybe I do. But it's always worth it in the end.

I want to spend a year after I graduate somewhere else. I want to work for a while; see what's out there. I want to be in New Zealand for longer- I really do love it there. I could find somewhere to stay over there and work; get a taste of the real world beyond my little corner of the universe, in the here and now. It's amazing to be somewhere else, to have the chance to start over and be whoever you want to be in a place where you don't know anybody and you can create a whole new persona. There's a chance to be more outgoing; a chance to let yourself fall in love. Anything is possible.

I want to go to university in the city, which will take about five years in conjunction with studying Indonesian. I would love to be fluent in Indonesian; to travel over there and meet people; see firsthand how they live; experience the culture, the language, the lifestyle...and become an international lawyer. I want to help and make a difference to people. I've heard a number of times in the media about unfair international trials...I want to defend people when they cannot defend themselves- I want to do something.

And when I've achieved all of that to some degree, I want to just be. Live my life as it happens. And I'm sure that, as does with most people, my goals will change. But as long as I achieve something, I will be happy.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

My Fears

I wish I could say I am completely fearless. However, like everyone, I am afraid of a few things.

I am afraid of getting hurt. Over the past couple of years, I've had my heart broken more than once by several different people; not all of them boys. I don't like to be around people so much because if I get close to them, they'll likely hurt me in the end. So I suppose that's also the fear of fully trusting someone...I don't know. That's my logic, anyhow. 


Losing things that are expensive or somehow important. I tend to get nervous pretty easily, and one of the things that sets it off is losing things that I need. For example, if I cannot find my glasses, or my phone, or my iPod, but especially my glasses. And it's inconvenient, having to stumble around blindly until my stupid eyes can see them. Then there's my phone...I know it sounds immensely weird, but I regularly open my bag, stick my hand in and freak out until I can find it. I've always done it, because I know my parents would kill me if I did lose it. Then I did lose it in January, and ever since, it's gotten worse. Judge me.


Public speaking. Enough said.


Losing people. It kinda goes from the first, but there are a few people in my life who I really couldn't bear to lose because they are just so darn important to me. My closest friends; my family. I know I can be fairly unbearable at times, just because I'm me, and I worry that one day they'll just give up like some people have in the past. I don't blame anyone for that, I know that it was me pushing them away, but maybe one day they'll come back.

That was short, but I am afraid of letting people get too close. Again, that works with the first and last one. The less someone knows about you, the less they have to use against you- that's my logic. I know it's probably not the right way to think, but either way, that's just how it is for me.

Also, sorry I haven't posted this for ages...just trying to figure out what to say.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

Five Items I Want

Having a job, I basically have the items that I want which is very amazing. However, being human, there is always something else, something better, that I want. Here's the top five:

1. iPhone

I had one up until early this year, when it was tragically lost on the very day I went to see The Hunger Games at the movies with a friend. I believe that when I got out of the car (dad drove up and I just jumped out of the car before he continued on his way; the usual way of dropping me off anywhere), I knocked it out of the car without realising. Being the dodgy bit of the plaza we were in, we imagine that someone walked over, saw the "score, free iPhone!" and ran off with it. Ever since, I've harboured awful feelings about it- it was tragic, and I had to tell my mum!- and I think (after months of grieving and getting fed up with the downgrade to a keypad) that it may be time to move on and get a new one. Not brand new, but something fairly new off eBay. That works for me.

2. Shaun and Bradie Merch Pack

For ages and ages, I have wanted Short Stack merch. Given that the guys have broken up, it is a given that they will not create any more merch. And coming to this revelation, I have realised, that I need to get a wriggle on should I wish to make my dreams come true. So I trawled through their merch site and found what my very heart desires- this:

3. Nail Art Pens

Being the girly girl that I am, I like doing my nails. I currently have an endless supply of nail polish in every colour imaginable. Pinks, reds, blues, silver and gold; metallic, block colour, glitter and neon. Even glow in the dark! However, the one thing that I don't have is nail art supplies. It's basically more nail polish but it has a thinner brush, perfect for minute detail. You can even get ones that are in an actual pen with the little brush which have a constant flow of nail polish- like my favourite eyeliner! You can do things like stripes, dots, and fiddly little patterns. I have managed to master a French manicure, therefore I feel I am ready for the itty bitty pictures, like Rubix cubes and popcorn.

4. Thomas Sabo Bracelet

When I went on a holiday with the family, I walked past a shop, walked back several steps and resisted the temptation to press my face against the glass of the window. I'd seen something beautiful. It was a pearl bracelet with a red love heart charm and a silver heart charm with the words "kiss me" engraved on it. Pearls hadn't really been my thing before then, and I would never have dreamed of the combination. But it was beautiful, and I loved it immediately. 

5. A Car

I'm not really concerned about makes and models- not at all. I couldn't care less whether it's a Hyundai or a Mazda- I just want a car that runs. However, as much as I want one to learn on, I know that I need to be able to run it- pay for petrol, rego, insurance and, of course, the car itself. So long as it isn't so unsafe that will concertina if it hits something, won't break down in the middle of the road and isn't overly expensive, it works for me.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

A Problem I've Had

I've had some pretty big problems over the past few years. Not necessarily with other people. Though there were other people concerned in a variety of ways, the majority of the problems were with myself. I'm not going to actually go into detail here, because it's over now, but I'm going to be as honest as I will allow myself to be. So here goes:

I've had some confidence issues since...I don't even know when it started actually. I was always a bubbly, happy kid- I was the only one in the class that actually enjoyed show and tell- and I had a pretty big circle of friends. Then we moved  and I guess things changed. 

Nothing was too bad until I started high school. As you're starting in an entirely new place with people from a whole bunch of different places, old friendships die away and other new friends take their places. People drift apart. It's pretty common knowledge and, as I presume most of you are at high school, you may have experienced it. But it happened a little differently for me. 

I kept all my old friends and met a few new people, but not everyone took a liking to me. 

I, being as confident as I was, had no problem being the insane band fangirl I'd always been, however not the way most people deemed "socially acceptable" I suppose. While I obsessed (only in the way of a typical teenage girl, of course) over Short Stack, Simple Plan, Heroes For Hire and so on; 90% of my grade was well into Justin Bieber. Given that I had no trouble voicing my opinions on anything, including him, and that it was a very intense case of Belieber syndrome, we automatically had a rivalry going. Team that with the fact that I was more concerned with books and brains than beauty and boys; I didn't shop at Supre; and that I wasn't their idea of billboard beautiful (think me with braces, bad skin and greasy hair as well as glasses which didn't exactly suit me)...let's just say that there were problems for a good few years. 

Things got bad, and while I won't tell you exactly what happened, I ended up a very unhappy person. I'll leave it there, but perhaps that will explain the strong stance I have on bullying and self esteem issues. At the same time all this was happening, I discovered I had a kind of anxiety disorder. Whenever I was confronted by someone, my hands would shake very noticeably, and when they would call me on it, it would get worse. Not exactly helping the "freak" image, I gotta say...

I guess the problem I had was the self esteem issue. I wasn't happy with myself and the way I came across to other people. Then when I was in New Zealand, I realised that who I was wasn't my problem. I was never rude to anybody, because I knew that would only make my troubles worse, and although I would openly share my opinions with people, I didn't do it in a forcing manner; I kept it lighthearted. 

Something I Am Proud Of

I am, and I think I always will be, extremely proud of covering my entire bedroom wall in posters. It's a trivial kind of proud, but I really am quite proud.

I have the largest room in my house, aside from the master bedroom. I have a six walls in my room, and all are occupied by something. One has my door and my desk; one with my pinboard; one with my wardrobe, one with my window, one with my bookshelf; and another with my chest of drawers. This last one is covered in posters. It also has some guitar picks- three of which are Heroes For Hire (two of the three are Potter's; the last a general Heroes For Hire one) and the fourth is Dylan Nash's of The Never Ever.

The poster wall is my longest wall. To date, it currently boasts 58 posters. I think. I lost count. It's also got my Short Stack autographs on it, my Simple Plan ticket, my On The Pulse ticket, and my ticket to Short Stack: The Story So Far, as well as my picks. I am thinking of putting my drumstick up there...yes, I caught a drumstick at a concert. It was Heroes For Hire and there were all of thirty people there. Lee threw it to me and, me being me, I missed it, but I picked it up off the ground before someone else did. And I brought it home and the rest is history.

The majority of my posters are of My Chemical Romance (there are I think fourteen from a Kerrang! poster book I bought once; and a close second is Short Stack with twelve, which I've just accumulated over the years. For the majority of my posters as a whole, I have no more than two of each. This is essentially what I have:

And on my wall, it looks like this*:

So, those posters are basically my pride and joy. 

I'm tired. 

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

* This photo is not the most recent. I have since updated. And cleaned my room.

Something I Think "What If" About

Ever since it happened, I always wonder, "what would've happened if Short Stack hadn't broken up?"

I know, I know. I sound like an obsessed fan girl, but I legitimately ask this question pretty regularly. What if they'd gone on to release their third album? What if they went and toured? What if they did a bunch of rural shows again? What if they were still together and supported Simple Plan again when they were here? Or Heroes For Hire? What if, what if, what if?

I was actually really looking forward to hearing Art Vandelay in its entirety. Having heard only a meagre three tracks, I knew I'd love it. Bang Bang Sexy was easy to sing along with after only a few listens- light, fun and catchy. New York City Ballet, heard on Short Stack: The Story So Far and played at their Penrith show was a really different sound and made me crave hearing the rest of the album. S.O.U.L., Short Stack's final release was chilling, if only for the fact that the lyrics seemed to sort of reflect the bands break up: "But I've got no soul", "all you did was hold me down." I don't know whether my interpretation is correct or not, but that's how I think of it. 

It cut me that I'd seen the track listing and heard them talk about the album on the documentary with pride in what they'd written, these being:

She's No Angel

Saturday Night

Tonight, Tonight, Tonight

S.O.U.L.

Rain On Her Parade

Suburbia

Goodbye

Bang Bang Sexy

Silver Screen

Rich Girls

New York City Ballet

Fight For You

Anyone who hasn't either been around since the beginning or has been a die-hard fan over the years may not know that Goodbye was the first song Short Stack ever wrote. It was recorded and featured on their first self-released album One Size Fits All. I was looking forward to hearing a polished version of that track, as well as a full version of Rain On Her Parade. A majority of the songs on One Size Fits All were incorporated somehow into their first studio album, Stack Is The New Black, and the beautiful, acoustic Darling, I'll Be Your Werewolf" came back as "Werewolves" with strings and piano on This Is Bat Country.

It would have been a dream come true to hear these songs I waited so long to hear- as well as the old tracks I've come to know and love inside-out- live on a stage. I've come to understand the mysteries of gigs which I never did when I was thirteen and desperate to go to their Stack Is The New Black tour, and missed out on when I missed their This Is Bat Country tour.

Although their posters remain proudly displayed on my bedroom wall and their albums have earned their rightful place on my iPod, Short Stack is no more and have moved on to bigger and better things- Shaun to his solo career, Bradie to DJ-ing and Andy to who knows what? Despite me always asking "what if", they have always been destined for more than being a little three-piece band from Budgewoi. They may have done amazing things as Short Stack, but will do even greater things on their own.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

My Zodiac Sign

My zodiac sign is Libra. The scales. I have never really been fazed by horoscopes and all, but why not?!

Apparently, Librans are romantic, charming, sociable and easy going, however are also indecisive and easily influenced. We are perfectionists, we can be bossy, we plan ahead. We like beauty, debates and attention; intellectual conversations and mingling. We don't like mess, dirt, criticism, confusion or noise. We are extroverted, graceful, artistic and caring; and our goal in life is to find true love.

I think to some extent that's me. I'm creative, I like intelligent conversation, and I'm a perfectionist, especially when it comes to school. I like straight A's, and anything less than a B+ is hugely disappointing. Put simply, I don't like being just run-of-the-mill. I basically want a flawless report card- although I utterly loathe and detest sports carnivals, the school decided that they would print non-attendances on report cards. Despite desperately wanting cross country day off so I could hide under my bed and pretend that no such laborious day existed, I went, not wanting it to haunt me for the rest of my life. 

I write stories and all, so that's pretty creative, I would assume- creating something from nothing in my mind, and stupid people irritate me. I like to talk about things analytically- I like to explain things, and I like to understand. If someone just cannot or will not understand me, talking with them is annoying. I guess it's part of my perfectionist trait. 

I do like to plan ahead- I have the rest of high school figured out. What subjects I'm going to study, where I'm working, what I'm going to do with my spare time. Well, a rough plan of that. I'll keep blogging, keep writing, keep playing music. Not that that was so hard to figure out, but I know that much. 

I can be indecisive- trying to buy storage space for my room was a chore. I didn't know what to buy, and I spent ages milling around the store, looking at everything but that...procrastination. I like things to go my way- my perfectionist nature shining through- meaning I can be kind of bossy at times. Also, I am very much a hopeless romantic- I have dreamed of finding true love for as long as I can remember- I've always loved fairytales with a happy ending where the prince and princess marry and live happily ever after. Even though now that I've had some kind of experience and I know that's not how all love stories pan out, I know that happy endings do exist in some way or another. Perhaps I've even found one...

However, not all these Libra traits are like me. For example, I'm a very messy person generally- I just have a lot of stuff and no place for it. I don't like being the centre of attention all the time- actually, I don't like it at all. I've given up all hope of fitting in, seeing as I'm loud and crazy, but I don't like being up the front of a class and presenting something. I don't like playing piano for people as a general rule- I compare myself to other people a lot, because I'm never as perfect as I wish to be. 

I'm not exactly the most social of people- usually, I tend to be extremely awkward meeting new people. There are times when it's required of me and I can do it, but I get very nervy working up to it. Even first days back at school after the holidays give me the jitters. Similarly, I'm not really a fan of mingling with a lot of people- I really only need a few friends around me, but even then, I tend to focus on one friend at a time. I don't mind criticism, as long as it's constructive, and I am in no way graceful. I don't move with any kind of grace at all- ask anyone who knows me, it's no secret!

Anyway, I'm going to go and read. 

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

What I Wore Today

Because this is the most entertaining piece of writing in the world... my apologies. This challenge is actually not as interesting and entertaining as I'd originally thought...

Okay, so today I wore an outfit I actually really like. I had a plain, hot pink tank top from Cocolatte with a crochet top from JoJo Designs and a pair of blue denim jeans from Target. When I went out, I wore a black blazer from Jay Jays over the top. Man I love that thing. Hats and jackets are typical of me. I currently have two blazers and a pretty blue frill jacket that I adore. And of course, my favourite boots.

Jewellery-wise, I have a bow tie necklace from Dotti, a pair of white flower earrings from Colette and my staples- my watch, my signet ring and my Pandora. Today while I was out, a cute little Down syndrome girl came over to me and said hello and that she liked my necklace- really sweet!

Wow, how exciting this post actually was. Once again, I am extremely sorry for the extreme boredom this post would've likely caused. For anyone who cares, or for someone who actually wants to dress like me- I strongly advise against it. Either way, it looked like this:

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

My Opinion On My Body

I don't think I'm wildly different to every other teenage girl living on Earth. I have my doubts and insecurities. There are days when I just want to roll over and go back to sleep because, in my humble opinion, I look just that bad, and days where I feel like I have to wear a few layers of make up in order for someone else to find me pretty. There are body parts I wish would be smaller and others I wish didn't exist at all. Some days my hair has a mind of its own and other times my eyeliner is just not quite right. 

It's very easy for that to eat away at every little thing. It would be easy to just go back to bed and pretend I never woke up looking like this:

But I know there are things that aren't so bad. I know that my teeth are straight (one and a half years with two plates and then two years of braces was worth it in the end!), glasses don't make someone ugly and not being a stick figure isn't so bad. In the end, I don't mind the way I look that much. I'm not usually so ugly, even though sometimes I feel it.

Honestly, I don't see the point in counting calories or starving yourself. Starving is not healthy. Neither is shoving copious amounts of saturated fat down your throat, obviously, but if you exercise, you can fix that. As long as you're healthy, it ultimately doesn't matter whether you're a size 8 or size 12. No one is going to sneak up behind you and cut the labels off your clothes just to see what size you are. And if they do, that's creepy and you should say something to make them go away.

As I said before, nerd glasses are in, therefore needing glasses isn't really that bad. I was once told that I looked good without them, to which I replied honestly that I just like to be able to see. I mean, why would you actually condemn yourself to stumbling around with flailing arms and crashing into things when there's a quick fix. All it takes is to put on a pair of glasses. Or contacts, if you're that way inclined.

Anyhow, this is me, in all my nerdy glory...

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo

My Family

My family is pretty average. Mum, Dad, me and two sisters; cat and dog. Mum and dad work; my sisters are both younger than me. I'm the eldest of the three. We live on the east coast, and my extended family all live south in the mountains.

What else is there to say really?

We're all insane. There. A basic trait of our family appears to be that we are all sarcastic and have the same sense of humour. Also, none of us have any qualms about making some witty comeback when someone else does something stupid. Not in a mean way, but let's put it this way: if you can't laugh at yourself, you will never survive in my family. 

For example, the exchange. My family is all Australian, born and bred. Then, we meet our kiwi import. Her accent was very noticeable compared with ours and, in the spirit of the good natured rivalry between Australia and New Zealand, we gave her stick for it. It involved mum buying a box of Smarties and everytime she would say something with an Australian accent, mum would feed her one. Much like dog training, I suppose. If that made no sense, consider "fush and chups" (Kiwi) and "fish and chips" (Aussie). If she would say "fish and chips" like an Aussie (or just 'properly', as dad put it), she earned one Smartie. This carried on for the entire three months. 

I, however, picked up their accent slightly while I was there and came home sounding like some bizarre half breed. I didn't earn any Smarties from my parents, but I did get plenty of imitations of my strange sounding voice!

It's not just in our family though. We also make fun of the TV while we have dinner. Many people that have been on the news over the years have been subject of discussion, as are plenty of acts on Australia's Got Talent. Or, in general, this new TV show, "Being Lara Bingle" which we find utterly ridiculous and a waste of time. I mean, really, who would waste their time watching that?! No offence if that person is you, but it's just not my thing at all. Then again, neither is TV anyway.

Although it may not actually sound like it given that description, my family are actually really nice people and our jokes are just light hearted fun. Mum and my sister are really good cooks- there's always something baked and waiting to be eaten; my youngest sister is one of the funniest people around and is a born entertainer. Dad is a walking musical encyclopedia. 

Anyhow, that's about it because I just really want a Milo.

Sayonara, fellow ninjas!! xoxo